I really try everyday to keep things moving forward. This break-up but still living in the same house really wears you down after a while. Imagine: living with the person you are in love with and have been in love with the last 16 years, but knowing not only do they not love you back, they think and treat you like a piece of shit. Bonus is that you still have to be stable and level for your kids.
And I’ve been living through that since January. It sucks.
To help me through this transition, I started on Prozac (OMG has this done just wonders for me), I’ve been looking for a job, and I refocused on The Secret. Like working out, it only stays with you the more you do it. But also like working out, there are days where that shit just doesn’t happen. Like this past weekend.
This weekend was Mother’s Day. A great day where everyone celebrates the one person who is always there and yet is never appreciated. Of course because of the drama at home, Mother’s Day was not celebrated… unless you call the fight we had a celebretory fight…. I can’t say it’s even a fight. I don’t engage him when he’s being an ass (which is most of the time now), so once he starts getting nuts, I won’t engage him; I just walk away. So he was shitty Friday night, stormed off into his room and slammed the door shut. Didn’t talk to anyone the rest of the night. Saturday he got pissed about whatever and took the baby and split for a couple hours. Sunday, he got pissed and too all three kids to the park for a couple hours. Turned out to be fine for me because I was able to color my hair. 🙂 Anyway, because he’s hating me, he doesn’t remind the kids that it’s mother’s day or anything and he sure as hell didn’t wish me a happy mother’s day… so my day was pretty normal. I got to play cards with the kids every day which is a lot of fun. And the baby comes and hangs out with us too.
The drama was like on overload and I wasn’t able to focus on The Secret. I was rereading the book and they say that if you miss a day, redo the last day that was completed and go on from there. The idea is to – everyday – feel grateful and thankful for every little thing. I still did my morning 10 things, but I didn’t do any assignments and I didn’t do the magic shell.
But I’m back! I will restart my day at day 7 – block negativity. I cannot think one negative thought and if I do, I have to declare something I am truly grateful for regarding the negative thought. I will restart my days from there. In preparation, I did some written self discovery to help focus my intentions with what I really want. There are 5 goals that I’m working towards:
- Bringing lasting success to my company, Swingin’ Dolly Events.
- Transitioning completely to the Rockabilly lifestyle.
- Being a successful artist/ activist to benefit the coasts/ marine ennvironments.
- Weighing 150 pounds; being healthy for my kids.
- Living in Hawaii.
Those are my goals. I need to find a way to fight homeostasis so I can start living how I was supposed to live. All these goals I can see just as clearly as I can see my phone – I know these things are a part of my core. I’m still trying to refine how to incorporate them into a successful future.
Okay, so tomorrow is a redo of Day 7 – block negativity. I will keep you posted how that goes tomorrow night. Take care everyone.
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