Or at least better than I was yesterday.
My kids are a little nuts. Something that’s a problem in our home is consistancy. I say one thing, their dad says something else and then the kids learn (have learned – and well) to go to him when they want easy and go to me when they want emotional support. I hate that.
My sister (who is a briliant family therapist) turned me onto a program made by a doctor called 1-2-3 Magic! and it makes one hell of a difference.
She also told me about other options to side-step the kid-bullshit. When a kid gets in trouble, let’s say for hitting, they aren’t in trouble for doing something they shouldn’t, they are getting in trouble for not doing something they were supposed to. In the case of hitting, the ‘one’ count would because they didn’t use ‘kind hands.’
Another example would be yelling at each other. My kids’ favorite past time is fighting. One says the sky is blue, the other would say, “NO IT’S BABY BLUE!” If they are talking to one another (or to anyone for that manner) that isn’t with the respect it should be, they get counted for not using ‘kind words.’
I’m just learning, and I’m trying to cut the yelling down to hardly ever; I’m a German Scot and their father is 100% Irish– I don’t know how to communicate without yelling. I slip up too. It’s a process for not just them, but for me.
So, we don’t have house ‘rules’ anymore, they’re called expectations. Here they are:
- We use kind hands
- We use kind words
- We listen by the second redirection
- We respect each other’s space
and that’s what we started with. Baby steps.
It’s not easy. It’s tough when their father doesn’t share in the process. I continue though. I know this is the best way so far to help my kids to grow in an environment that is supportive and not repressive.
You should check out the 1-2-3 Magic! website (www.123magic.com). It makes sense to me and it seems to be making a difference with my kids’ behavior. I haven’t run off to Vegas yet to join the circus so I count that as a win.
Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re helping me pursue not only my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii in October 2017 as so to start connecting to our future there. Thank you all again so very much!