Food. For being such a small word, it certainly is complicated. There are allergies, and syndromes, illnesses, and preferences — all affected by something as tiny as food.
Food – in genereal – has been an enemy of mine since I was young. I remember my ma telling me stories of how my dad would tell her, “I will not have a fat kid.” Also, she used to poke my thighs and tell me, “That’s not supposed to do that.”
The fucked thing about it was that my father was heavy.
But I have to take responsibility for my own actions and that means, though it probably started with my parents, they are not making me eat (or not eat) anymore… that’s all me. You get to that point where you’re grown and can change your life direction, not just stay on the path you were started on. I know there’s a problem; it’s my choice now to fix it or let it ruin my life.
I like the ‘Tending My Garden’ because it’s almost like a secret club I have with myself. It’s a quick little reminder that I will get out what I put into it and if I’m going to get flowers, then I need to water those fuckers.
The biggest issue with me is emotional eating and the paralysing depression. Simply, I’m always sad so that makes me want to eat. It makes me also want to be chained to my bed and not move all day. Too much crap plus no movement = declining health. I need to change that patten. I started with the prozac – which is a HUGE help – and it gets me out of bed and gives me a bit more patience for myself and for the kids. Now, I need to take the next step: getting the emotional eating under control.
The first thing I did was for a week, without curbing any intake, I just wrote down what I ate. It was a bit sobering. It wasn’t until I saw exactly what and how much I was eating that I realized that I do go overboard.
A few years ago I was on Weight Watchers (I did well on thier program!), I had all the stuff! I had to stop the program officially when I lost my job, but I still had the calculator and data to keep me going on my own. So, this week, I started back on WW and it’s been a little tough. I am rereading my information and tracking my points. I went over twice this week but stayed under my extra points. 🙂
I weigh in tomorrow so I will tell you how it goes.
Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re helping me pursue not only my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii in October 2017 as so to start connecting to our future there. Thank you all again so very much!