As you all know, I’ve been going through a bit of a shake up. The ending of my 16-year relationship, trying to maintain some type of civilly between myself and my kids’ dad, fighting my worst frienemy, ‘Depression’, and having to move back in with my ma where my OCD/ sociopath of a sister lives, has presented more than a challenge and added a huge source of stress.
My world has fallen apart. I am (metaphorically) dying.
I have two competing options in my head right now:
- There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues – why fight it? Give in to the depression, lie in the bed all day, and do nothing. Eventually, things will sort themselves out. Eat the fucking brownie; it always has loved me. And I it.
- There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues – why fight it? Why waste the energy right now on things I can’t control and focus on things I can control? I can’t stop my sister from being a total fucking nut-job. I can control how much I am exposed to her insanity. I can’t control the fact that I have to live at my ma’s right now. I can control how long that has to be by sorting out my options, finding a job, etc. I can’t control how my ex is going to behave, but I can control how I react to that behavior.
I decided to choose option number two. FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN CONTROL. So, I decided I am going to change my world. Here are 5 ways I’m doing it.
‘The Secret’ has been a huge part of realizing that attitude changes everything. There have been scientific studies of how the act of gratitude has positive effects on humans. I know that exercising gratitude is not just healthy for me, but has the potential to change how my very existence is conducted. Hence the reason why I keep trying to not just follow The Secret, but that I keep trying to complete The Magic (a workbook in essence of how to apply The Secret). I get tripped up on some of the theories brought to light in The Secret but the more I try, the more I realize I am starting to get past my personal conflict with those theories.
The one I have trouble with the most is acting, ‘as if’ you already have all your desires. I struggle and struggle with that. I’m a big girl – mama here has curves and shit – and The Secret (in the book) recommends that if you’re trying to lose weight (besides not referring it to ‘losing weight’) then don’t buy new clothes in your current size. It recommends borrowing the clothes from friend, or mending clothes that you already have to fit.
What? I don’t have friends that share a) my size and b) my style. How many plus size rockabillies you think are out there?? And how many do you think know me?? The quick answer? None. I am the only plus size rockabilly that I personally know. You can see how quickly the cynicism creeps in, right? It wasn’t until more reading and reading – over and over – of The Secret that the meaning is getting understood. Instead of thinking of it as ‘losing weight’, I think of it as being the perfect weight for me. And if I’m going to act like I’m the perfect weight for me, that means I have to behave as if I’m already the perfect weight… meaning eating healthy and, God forbid, exercise. I know that. Everyone knows that eating garbage is going to make you feel and look like garbage.
I do not think it means to walk around in a mini skirt, tube top, and platforms, talking about how I’m sexy and I know it. I mean I am, but I don’t have to be practically naked to prove it.
I hate to keep repeating myself but this trip to Hawaii was life-changing in and of itself. Being exposed to that much positivity, support, understanding, and opportunities to grow, I have brought it back with me to foster and build in my life, and the life of my kids.
In a previous post, I outlined what Living Aloha really was to me. I even started a Living Aloha T-Shirt campaign in support of it. So, what I do now is I try to do at least one thing that coincides with every part of what Aloha really is, what it can really do to improve not just my life, but my kids’ lives, my community’s life, and possibly create a ripple effect to alter the world! That may sound a little over-the-top but I really believe that when you feel good, it’s contagious. With any luck, I can help spread Aloha – maybe everyone can catch it.
FOLLOWING MY PASSIONS
This was a tricky one for me because I didn’t remember what I was passionate about. I had been a SAHM for 2 years. You wouldn’t BELIEVE how quickly you get lost in bullshit. When my relationship ended, I had to re-evaluate my life, figure out what was important to me (other than family – that one is obvious), and try to find a direction. I have been researching my life – going through old diaries, school projects, stories of my childhood – to try to find a starting point and try to find a direction.
Feeling that lost and alone is far worse than any depression I have ever experienced. It did give me some clarity though. I was able to nail down 5 things that I am truly passionate about and make them into a definition of what I envision my True Self to be:
Live Aloha, Rockabilly, Environmental Artist/ Activist, my event planning company success, and to be my perfect weight.
Each of those things are so entwined with the other, any growth in any of those directions automatically will benefit the other 4 points… Like how a star is an accumulation of its points; as a whole, I embrace all my points because without them, I am not me. If I am not me, who am I? If I were not me, then I would be an asshole.
I CONSTANTLY LEARN
Life-long learning is one of the most important things I think anyone can do to benefit themselves. It’s only through learning that people – in general and specifically – advance in any measurable way. Stagnation is not an option if you want to better yourself, your community, your planet. I read as much as I can – doesn’t matter about what – but I read. I don’t have to fully believe everything I read either, but it’s a benefit to me to hear other people’s perspective; I think listening to someone’s ‘why’ is the single biggest thing you can do to show yourself and them, your respect.
Also, I hate the idea of depending on someone to do something for me. DIY REPRESENT!
I’m not a huge fiction reader, I live for non-fiction, but Stephen King is like my fave fave! ANYWAY, back to the point: read.
The love for the planet, the coastlines, and animals of all shapes and sizes, really rules me. Except for cockroaches (which I still struggle with trying to find a redeeming quality about), I really try to respect animals and environments.
As a result, I do things to help limit my impact on the planet: reusable bags, thermos instead of disposable water bottles, biodegradable crafts, and – of course – recycle. I am trying to really be the slogan, “Reuse, Recycle, Renew.”
I have started a recycle pick-up program that a few people I know are participating in, and I am trying to get it a bit more spread so people can recycle but not try to back out of it by saying they don’t have time to take it, it’s messy in their car, yada yada. They don’t pay me, but when I turn in the material, the money I get back pays for my gas to pick up from people– so I really break even.
When I do things that make me feel like I am still making a difference in my/ kids’/ everyone’s life, I feel good. And that feeling good is what helps me to be a better person… which should really be everyone’s goal, shouldn’t it? Maybe these little ways I am changing my world, can help you to try ways to change yours.
Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re helping me pursue not only my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. There are also t-shirts available
(I donate 25% of those contributions to the SurfRider Foundation as well). It’s those small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii in October 2017 as so to start connecting to our future there. Thank you all again so very much!