Depression Crafts: The Timer

I’ve been fighting depression for years now. There were times where I wouldn’t shower for weeks. I was a zombie. Though I am on Prozac now, I still struggle with some stuff. I shower now – on a regular basis (yay me) – and I take the kids out to the park pretty often. The Prozac really is pulling it’s weight here with me, but I still struggle with motivation, consistency, and what I call the ‘fuck it’ solution.

In this time, as I’ve been getting mentally stronger, I have been making a list of things that make me happy. I don’t mean like funnel cake happy, but little things that I can do every day to remind myself that life doesn’t suck, it’s mostly the depression. One thing I always enjoyed was doing my make-up.

In this case, I have to thank Jeremy Renner for the inspiration for today’s craft. What you may not know is he used to be a make-up artist. I didn’t know either! Then he was on Ellen… THEN this beautiful meme came out and found it’s way to me.  Continue reading

Introducing: Tending My Garden

I don’t want to hate everything; I want to feel like myself.

Have you looked in the mirror only to be like, “How the fuck did I get here?” I do believe that your physical life is just a reflection of what kind of state your inner self is in. I don’t know what you call that – or even if it has a definitive name – but that’s what I think.

I also know that fighting depression is one of the hardest things someone can do. Drugs, drinking, are both things that are very difficult to fight. I have come to understand those things are used as ways to self-treat mental conditions, depression for instance. See what I did there?

Well, I want to fight back. I’ve been on prozac for 5 months now and I’m feeling pretty strong, emotionally. I want to move forward with my life. I have a long road ahead of me but I’m going to set things in motion today. I cannot wait. I’m going to start making this a regular subject in my blog. And if there is someone (or someones) who want to do the same thing, cheers! We’ll do that together.

img_4588

And to make it a little more interesting, I’m going to add in little prizes here and there for weekly goals. I thought tthat I would share that with everyone. I’m calling it: Tending My Garden (TMG). 🙂 Really, you reap what you sow and what better investment to make than in yourself.

I’m not just talking about physical health – I mean, that’s part of it for me, at least – but I’m talking about growing yourself into your best self.

I’m going to focus on 3 major points:

  1. Nutrition – what’s the point of taking care of yourself if you’re just going to abuse it with food?
  2. Working out – I am going to use a combination of weight training and cardio.
  3. Meditation – I don’t mean just sitting in a quiet room thinking. Mediation can happen while you’re doing anything that makes  you completely wholey happy.

I’m not an expert. The only thing I can tell you is how I’m going to do it. Everyone is different and what I’m doing for me may not be good for you. But I think we can all agree that eating a bit better, moving a bit more, and spending time doing things we like are all good ideas.

Unless you like doing heroin. I don’t think that is a good idea.

Anyway! Over the next couple days I will be banging out my little plan for everyone if you’re curious or if you want to participate just comment below. I am excited!

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re helping me pursue not only my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii in October 2017 as so to start connecting to our future there. Thank you all again so very much!

How My Sister Makes Me A Good Parent…

Or at least better than I was yesterday.

My kids are a little nuts. Something that’s a problem in our home is consistancy. I say one thing, their dad says something else and then the kids learn (have learned – and well) to go to him when they want easy and go to me when they want emotional support. I hate that.

My sister (who is a briliant family therapist) turned me onto a program made by a doctor called 1-2-3 Magic! and it makes one hell of a difference. Continue reading

Hawaii day 4

Happy Memorial Day everyone! Hawaii has a wonderful atmosphere to honor those military personnel who lost their lives. It was really wonderful. 

Today turned out to be a great self-discovery day. My sister, her family, and my family all went on a hike. I use her term ‘hike’ when it was really ‘the journey through hell.’ It was a mile but straight up! my brother in law did it in fucking flip flops so now I’m convinced he’s a superhero. 

Turns out I’m a bit more out of shape than my previous ideas. 


We got to the top damn it! Totally worth it. And there was a pleasant surprise waiting at the top: a World War II anti-aircraft bunker! It was in incredible condition! 


That’s me in the pink plaid. It was brilliant! I became very aware of my physical condition this trip. Maybe it was Devine intervention to really get me to accept my current status, but while in the bunker, there was graffiti that said, “Big Laura.” 


I thought it would be neat to find my name in all that graffiti – I wasn’t nearly as excited once I found it. But the first step in solving any problem is admitting that there is one so– that’s the universe showing me that there is a problem. 

I got some great one on one time with my sister so far. ❤️ I love her so much and it sucks being so far away from her. 


But she made me realize that I can do anything. I can climb a mountain in Hawaii if I want to! It’s just a matter of continuing after your body wants to quit. 

On this hike from hell, I wanted to give up 8,000 times. My sister wouldn’t let me. I could rest and I could grab water but I couldn’t just quit. Her husband and the kids were all helpful and encouraging and thoughtful. They showed me not just what I means to be kind but what it means to take no shit. I didn’t know there was a better way to take no shit – I thought I was queen of that! 

Over all, the trip has been surpassing every point of bliss for me. My kids are a little home sick. And my Ma has a hard time with all the humidity but other than that, it’s been an amazing experience! I can’t wait to see what’s in store for tomorrow!! 

I’m heading to bed. It’s 1015pm here and I am ready! 

Thank you so much for reading my blog! Please, if you can, consider making a small $5 donation to help me keep my little blog going because you all know my story. If you can’t donate, please share my blog – maybe someone else can! Thank you thank you thank you!

Hawaii Day 3

Omg there’s so much to update you all on! I will write it all up but for right now, I just want to share a couple pictures and to mention what a fucking difference your environment makes. 

Even if I never hit a beach, even if I never stepped out of the house, the peace I have found here is indescribable. I am at ease, focused, and getting inspiration everywhere I look. 

I cannot wait to move here! 

Anyway! Onto pictures!


I’m off to go continue my personal search of my muse and discover myself again. 🙂 

Thank you so much for reading my blog! I am fund raising for my kids to get to do everything they want to on our trip, if you can contribute, it would be greatly appreciate it! If you can’t, please share my posts etc- maybe someone else can. Thank you and Mahalo!! 

How I manifested $600+ for our trip

First, there has to be an understanding of what that means to manifest money. It doesn’t just come in the form of cash but also coupons, gifts, discounts, etc – there’s an unlimited number of ways money can come to you. 

As you have known, I’ve been trying to raise funds for my kids trip (for $600); yesterday I even posted how I felt a little let down by the people who already said would help but then didn’t. I was feeling like I was going to let my kids down. 

I had been posting on FB stuff to sell to help raise funds since mid march. One thing that’s been on there this whole time were a pair of crutches that I couldn’t unload. I lowered the price down to $10 but nothing. Well, I made my intention on Tuesday, Wednesday a lady called and said she wanted them for the list price of $15! Turned out I changed the price on all the groups I posted in except for the one this lady was on! Sweet! 

Then, my ex OUT OF NO WHERE wakes me up in the morning to give me a check for $200. He was mean when he gave it to me (“this is so you can feed the fucking kids so don’t spend it on bullshit!” Is what he actually yelled at me. But again, this money was completely unsolicited!). 

Then I get to my ma’s house last night and we are talking about our plan. I told her that I’m looking forward to all the on the beach time and hiking we’re going to be doing. She lets me know that my sister paid for a luau one night ($60 a person and I have 4 people = $240: bringing the manifest up to $455). She said my sister also paid for a tour of Honolulu ($30×4=$120+$455=$575)! I was like what?! I didn’t know all that!

After that, I was making arrangements for my friend to drive us to the airport – my Ma said she would pay for the parking and just leave the car at the airport ($575+$75=$650). THEN my Ma surprised us with pizza dinner last night when I was getting my things together to buy dinner ($650+$15= $665). 

Thank you thank you thank you!! 

I was sweating the fund raiser so much. Tuesday, when I made my intention, I said to myself, “fuck the fund raiser. It doesn’t matter if I raise money, as long as I get to be out in Hawaii with my sister. ” After that, all this abundance just came flooding in! 

I am so grateful for all that I have recieved! I get amazed every time of what can manifest. I am in awe of the Universe. 

I gotta get loading shit up for HAWAII! I will chat with you all in about a week. 

Thank you so much for reading my little blog! If you can contribute, it would be greatly appreciated! If you can’t, please share; maybe someone else can. Either way, I’m just grateful and thankful you stopped by to hang out with me.