As you all know, I’ve been going through a bit of a shake up. The ending of my 16-year relationship, trying to maintain some type of civilly between myself and my kids’ dad, fighting my worst frienemy, ‘Depression’, and having to move back in with my ma where my OCD/ sociopath of a sister lives, has presented more than a challenge and added a huge source of stress.
My world has fallen apart. I am (metaphorically) dying.
I have two competing options in my head right now:
- There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues – why fight it? Give in to the depression, lie in the bed all day, and do nothing. Eventually, things will sort themselves out. Eat the fucking brownie; it always has loved me. And I it.
- There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues – why fight it? Why waste the energy right now on things I can’t control and focus on things I can control? I can’t stop my sister from being a total fucking nut-job. I can control how much I am exposed to her insanity. I can’t control the fact that I have to live at my ma’s right now. I can control how long that has to be by sorting out my options, finding a job, etc. I can’t control how my ex is going to behave, but I can control how I react to that behavior.
I decided to choose option number two. FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN CONTROL. So, I decided I am going to change my world. Here are 5 ways I’m doing it. Continue reading
So I went camping over the weekend with my kids and my Ma. The campsite had a splash pad for kids to play on.
Well there were two little boys (maybe 5 and 7-ish) playing on the geysers. The 5-year-old pissed off the 7-year-old because the 7 year old jumped on the 5 year old, pushed him down, put one hand on his neck and his other hand over his mouth and nose. I didn’t see the hands at this point. I had shouted at the kids, “Hey!” There were 6 adults RIGHT THERE, no one stopped anything. When the kids still didn’t disengage (for lack of a better word), I trotted over there and saw what was exactly going on. I pitched a FIT, full banshee mode, pulled the kids apart, and was like, “where’s your mom??” No answer. The little kid was shaking like a leaf, totally terrified, couldn’t even speak. I bring him back to my little picnic spot, get him a towel, give him some food, and just let him be in a safe little environment. Continue reading
Things have been tight – you all know that. I have been spending a decent amount of time at the McDonald’s so the kids can play, I can get my dollar diet coke, and I can work on my resume and job searches in peace.
Since it’s quite a bit tough, I had just enough today for my drink (so we don’t get kicked out for loitering), and the kids got their water cups.
Things were winding down, and the kids whining for dinner, so I started packing up my things to take them home for dinner when I came face to face with a hero. Continue reading
Or at least better than I was yesterday.
My kids are a little nuts. Something that’s a problem in our home is consistancy. I say one thing, their dad says something else and then the kids learn (have learned – and well) to go to him when they want easy and go to me when they want emotional support. I hate that.
My sister (who is a briliant family therapist) turned me onto a program made by a doctor called 1-2-3 Magic! and it makes one hell of a difference. Continue reading
Kids are great. There’s something wonderful from having your kids come around you and just love you.
Kids are nuts. And if you’re one of those people who don’t like chaos, don’t have kids. No, having kids is not like having a dog. It’s like having a kleptomaniac octopus who cries all the time. And throws things. And hugs you.
This is a welcomed exercise however, I’m a little stuck. You’re supposed to take any unpaid bills and write on them, “Thank you for the money.” Then take 10 already paid bills from the past and write across them, “Thank you – Paid.” Make sure that while you’re doing both those things, you feel the complete gratitude of those things being paid, whether they’re paid or not.
For the last 2 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom. All those bills that I had while working have gone bye-bye. What am I supposed to do now?