5 Ways I am Changing My World

As you all know, I’ve been going through a bit of a shake up. The ending of my 16-year relationship, trying to maintain some type of civilly between myself and my kids’ dad, fighting my worst frienemy, ‘Depression’, and having to move back in with my ma where my OCD/ sociopath of a sister lives, has presented more than a challenge and added a huge source of stress.

My world has fallen apart. I am (metaphorically) dying.

I have two competing options in my head right now:

  1. There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues  – why fight it? Give in to the depression, lie in the bed all day, and do nothing. Eventually, things will sort themselves out.  Eat the fucking brownie; it always has loved me. And I it.
  2. There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues – why fight it? Why waste the energy right now on things I can’t control and focus on things I can control? I can’t stop my sister from being a total fucking nut-job. I can control how much I am exposed to her insanity. I can’t control the fact that I have to live at my ma’s right now. I can control how long that has to be by sorting out my options, finding a job, etc. I can’t control how my ex is going to behave, but I can control how I react to that behavior.

I decided to choose option number two. FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN CONTROL. So, I decided I am going to change my world. Here are 5 ways I’m doing it.  Continue reading

The Living Aloha Campaign

I said I would let you know once it was live so here it is! We are running a t-shirt campaign for the next 3 weeks to help spread the word about Living Aloha!! I know! I am SO EXCITED! It’s though Bonfire  <– there’s the link. 🙂 The profits go towards maintaining this blog, moving things towards ‘My True Self’ and of course 25% goes to the surfrider foundation to help protect our delicate coastlines.

Get a great t-shirt, help someone out. How great is that??

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re helping me pursue not only my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii in October 2017 as so to start connecting to our future there. Thank you all again so very much!

Living Aloha: A Brilliant Philosophy

While in Hawaii, I was greeted and treated by the most wonderful people. They were open and wonderful to a stranger (me) and was unconditional with their kindness. Not to mention my brilliant sister and my brilliant brother-in-law… they are truly an example of the best people I have ever known. There is one thing that has really stayed with me: Aloha. Continue reading

Hawaii Bound!

My prelim Hawaii trip is just about here! In 18 hours, I will be on a white-sand beach, sipping mai-tais and listening to the waves. I AM SO EXCITED!

My wonderful sister and her husband bought the tickets for us to go out there. My ex doesn’t assist me at all so I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED when he left me $200 for the trip. I am truly thankful and grateful for that gesture from him especially since it’s been so hard at the house.

I am a little disappointed that my fund raising didn’t go as planned. I will keep with it, give it some more time and have it help with going to visit my sister again next year. When I told my friends that we were breaking up, they all were talking like they will help me and to call them if I ever needed anything… not one person contributed. Not one. I understand that it’s hard right now for everyone and I’m not hating; I was just a little shocked. With how everyone was talking with the support and love, when not one person helped when I asked … it’s making me double think my entire list of friendships.

My story isn’t a new one. A stay at home mom – who really has nothing – is stuck in a tough place being without a job, without a safety net, because she depended on her man too much. I understand I’m in this position because I thought my boyfriend was always going to be invested in our family. I have to get out of this position – I understand that too. I am working on getting a job, moving, getting situated, and still trying to be supportive and patient with the kids, even though I am SO STRESSED (Thank you Prozac). I thought that the people that I know – that I call my friends – would follow through with the help they already had offered to help me with.

It makes me feel even more isolated than I really anticipated.

However, the anticipated smell of the sea and the singing and ramblings of my nephews makes me feel so brilliant! I can’t wait! It’s going to be brilliant! My sister planned out this whole trip! The first night is down time with my nephews. Saturday, we go to the house my sister rented on the beach for the holiday weekend! There, we will do a luau, hiking, and beach time. We get back to her house Monday and will have a quiet evening until the Haunted Honolulu tour starts! 😀 Tuesday we will pay our respects at Pearl Harbor and then after, pay our respects at the site of my neice (my sister’s first child was stillborn and is laid to rest on Oahu). We will be doing some more afternoon hiking. Wednesday, we are hiking again and going to the Dole Pineapple Plantation. 😀 Then we come home Thursday.

Bonus: it’s supposed to rain on Oahu all weekend. HAHAHA I gotta tell you, I am so looking forward to it! I live in Southern California. Rain in only a theory here the last couple years.

I am leaving the computer at home this trip. Though I will have my iPhone, I am going to stay as unconnected as I can. I will catch everyone up when I get back.

ALOHA! MAMA IS HAWAII BOUND!