Fat 2 Phat: A Letter to Me

Dear, well, me,

I know you’re staring down this journey and thinking you’re going to fail. Again. I know you’re thinking, “What’s going to be different this time?” You know what’s different? YOU ARE.

Up to this point, you’ve been practicing for today. You know your shit now; there’s no guessing about what to do. You know what works. You know HOW to get it done. Let’s turn that how into action.

I understand how proud you are of all the things you’ve accomplished socially while being heavy: Sexy boyfriends, you always make friends, three great kids… and yes, it’s nice to be more advanced socially than her* but she’s starting to catch up – I mean, she’s getting married for the second time and you haven’t even been married once (not that I want to judge personal growth on whether or not I’m married – it’s the idea that someone other than my family loves me wholly and completely, and demonstrates that publicly).

And you’re ‘fuck you’ attitude has really hurt your motivation.

Here’s where we are currently:

  1. You sleep on your side because your weight is causing shortness of breath.
  2. You’re always feeling warm because you’re now thickly insulated.
  3. You call your kids over to hand something or get something for you.
  4. You feel exhausted all the time causing a craving for sugar and to eat crap.
  5. You use food as a way to distract you from doing something you need to do but you don’t want to. I.E. Working out.
  6. You are the heaviest you have ever been. Ever. And that includes the weight of your ego.

It’s time for a serious change.

You’re on this journey to give yourself the very best gift you can: HEALTH. You can’t care for the kids while stuck in bed sick; and how long are you going to tolerate the knee pain, back pain, or the embarrassment. Or the pain of not fitting into your maternity clothes.

New Years Eve is 11 weeks away. That’s enough time to make serious changes for the better. Having better health adds to every one of our personal goals:

  • WE ARE ROCKABILLY – and vintage physiques are hourglass shape
  • WE ARE A GREAT WEDDING PLANNER – health exudes confidence and clients like a good looking planner
  • WE ARE AN ARTIST – being healthy makes it easier to hike with our art stuff
  • WE ARE BEAUTIFUL – our exterior will finally match what our mental image of our-self is
  • WE LIVE ALOHA – health releases endorphins helping control our depression

And there’s one more: WE ARE COMMITTED. You will do what it takes because this time you are completely ready and enthusiastic. You have a map for issues that come up (like running out of food money) and we will continue to adjust the plan as the obstacles come out.

One more thing: find an online or in-person support group. Since there is no one really in your life to help support you, seek out help through other people.

I love us, Laura. It’s time for us to treat ourselves with love and respect.

PS. We’re going to chat again in a month to see how things are moving. Don’t waste the time you have.

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– * About the ‘she’ comment earlier: I have serious issues regarding my sister and our relationship. Not to go into too many details, but home-girl is the Devil. She told me about a month ago, “You can’t be a stay at home mom, barely clean the house, and look like shit. You’ll never keep a man that way.” That’s when the ‘Fuck You’ part of me comes bouncing on out. Fuck her, fuck that, fuck IT. Anyway, I’m trying to get away from her being a motivator on my journey, but I can’t help but think that it will crush her for me to get to where I’m going… she’s super vain like that.

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re not only helping me pursue my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii as to to start connecting to our future there. Also, if you can, please give me a follow on Twitter or InstagramThank you all again so very much!

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Fat to Phat: The Start

As a 40 yo asshole, I cringe at that title too. ‘Phat’ is not my favorite word, but either is ‘fat’ so I think they compliment themselves perfectly. As you all know, my little world has been shaken up this year. Though I would like to think I have my shit in order considering, my physical condition is a manifestation of my emotional state. What’s a good term for me to use to describe how I feel I look? Dumpy. That’s it.

I am officially the 8th Dwarf. Continue reading

This Weekend: YES!

Well, I've been at my ma's for a couple weeks now, and pretty shut in. I went on 2 job interviews and run the kids to their swim classes but that's about it. But then, there's this weekend.

Rocka-beautiful

This weekend, a local city here is having the annual SwingFest! I am SO EXCITED! It's music and dancing and vendors… I have been looking forward to this for like a month!

When I first got wind that it was coming up, I was stoked! But that was before I moved to my ma's. I thought I would have some kind of help from him; that fell flat.

Another complication is a friend of mine from high school is in town and I really want to visit. No money for that either. ALSO, it means I'm going to have to get dressed at like 8 am …

What about the kids?

When I thought to attend the SwingFest, I assumed I would just have them tag along. Continuously exposing them to actual music can only benefit them. But out of the clear, blue sky….

My sister-in-law called and said she wanted them for the whole weekend! Really? All of them? Are you sure? Alas yes, that brave soul wants to have all 300 of my kids spend the night at her house for the weekend. Sweet!

The Weekend's Plan

I'm hoping she will pick up the kids tonight and not Saturday morning. Either way, I'll get dressed, rush out to meet my friend at noon, then be at the SwingFest at 3 (it starts at 2pm).

I'm going to gather all my 411 and post on here everything 🙂 so if you guys like that kind of shit, you're welcome! And if you don't like Rockabilly… well, you're just wrong. 😘

Thank you all so much for all the support! You all keep me going after my dreams.

Introducing: Tending My Garden

I don’t want to hate everything; I want to feel like myself.

Have you looked in the mirror only to be like, “How the fuck did I get here?” I do believe that your physical life is just a reflection of what kind of state your inner self is in. I don’t know what you call that – or even if it has a definitive name – but that’s what I think.

I also know that fighting depression is one of the hardest things someone can do. Drugs, drinking, are both things that are very difficult to fight. I have come to understand those things are used as ways to self-treat mental conditions, depression for instance. See what I did there?

Well, I want to fight back. I’ve been on prozac for 5 months now and I’m feeling pretty strong, emotionally. I want to move forward with my life. I have a long road ahead of me but I’m going to set things in motion today. I cannot wait. I’m going to start making this a regular subject in my blog. And if there is someone (or someones) who want to do the same thing, cheers! We’ll do that together.

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And to make it a little more interesting, I’m going to add in little prizes here and there for weekly goals. I thought tthat I would share that with everyone. I’m calling it: Tending My Garden (TMG). 🙂 Really, you reap what you sow and what better investment to make than in yourself.

I’m not just talking about physical health – I mean, that’s part of it for me, at least – but I’m talking about growing yourself into your best self.

I’m going to focus on 3 major points:

  1. Nutrition – what’s the point of taking care of yourself if you’re just going to abuse it with food?
  2. Working out – I am going to use a combination of weight training and cardio.
  3. Meditation – I don’t mean just sitting in a quiet room thinking. Mediation can happen while you’re doing anything that makes  you completely wholey happy.

I’m not an expert. The only thing I can tell you is how I’m going to do it. Everyone is different and what I’m doing for me may not be good for you. But I think we can all agree that eating a bit better, moving a bit more, and spending time doing things we like are all good ideas.

Unless you like doing heroin. I don’t think that is a good idea.

Anyway! Over the next couple days I will be banging out my little plan for everyone if you’re curious or if you want to participate just comment below. I am excited!

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re helping me pursue not only my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii in October 2017 as so to start connecting to our future there. Thank you all again so very much!