5 Ways I am Changing My World

As you all know, I’ve been going through a bit of a shake up. The ending of my 16-year relationship, trying to maintain some type of civilly between myself and my kids’ dad, fighting my worst frienemy, ‘Depression’, and having to move back in with my ma where my OCD/ sociopath of a sister lives, has presented more than a challenge and added a huge source of stress.

My world has fallen apart. I am (metaphorically) dying.

I have two competing options in my head right now:

  1. There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues  – why fight it? Give in to the depression, lie in the bed all day, and do nothing. Eventually, things will sort themselves out.  Eat the fucking brownie; it always has loved me. And I it.
  2. There is little I can do at this juncture to facilitate a resolution of many of my issues – why fight it? Why waste the energy right now on things I can’t control and focus on things I can control? I can’t stop my sister from being a total fucking nut-job. I can control how much I am exposed to her insanity. I can’t control the fact that I have to live at my ma’s right now. I can control how long that has to be by sorting out my options, finding a job, etc. I can’t control how my ex is going to behave, but I can control how I react to that behavior.

I decided to choose option number two. FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN CONTROL. So, I decided I am going to change my world. Here are 5 ways I’m doing it.  Continue reading

The Magic: Day 10 – Magic Dust

It’s not actual dust. The assignment is to be grateful (and express that gratitude) to the people who provide a service to you today.

Since I stay home 90% of the time, I don’t normally get to interact with adult people in the service industry. LOL Sounds kind of sad, doesn’t it? But I made it a point to save my chores for today just for this exercise!

So, I took in the recycling and chatted up the attendant who was lovely. Then went to turn in my little recycle receipt and was grateful to the attendant there – who was not a Mrs Sunshine if you know what I mean. Then got gas and tried really hard to be grateful for everyone.  It was a little tough because of a girl trying to raise funds for her school. I tried to tell her that I wish I could help but I was trying to raise my own funds; she was just kind of shitty about it. But I was grateful for the cashier at the gas station, then grateful to/for the lady who runs my kids’ after school program. THEN I was grateful and thankful for the cashier at the WIC office.

I really try to be grateful – not just polite – when I interact with people in general before The Magic. I have little tolerance for bad service, but it’s rare that I even get bad service. Today it felt good to continue my little trend. 🙂

Tomorrow’s assignment you have to read about the day before because it starts as soon as you wake up. From the moment you wake up until you are done getting dressed, say thank you for everything you touch and use. You can say it in your head so you don’t look like a crazy person talking to your iron.

I have a big day tomorrow too because my BFF is having her baby shower so I’ll be over there in the AM working on the set up.

Thank you so much for reading my little blog! I am trying to raise funds for my kids’ trip and if you can help, your contribution would be hugely appreciated! If you can’t, would you please share my posts – maybe someone else will be able to help out. Thank you again!

The Magic: Day 9 – The Money Magnet

This is a welcomed exercise however, I’m a little stuck. You’re supposed to take any unpaid bills and write on them, “Thank you for the money.” Then take 10 already paid bills from the past and write across them, “Thank you – Paid.” Make sure that while you’re doing both those things, you feel the complete gratitude of those things being paid, whether they’re paid or not.

For the last 2 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom. All those bills that I had while working have gone bye-bye. What am I supposed to do now?

Continue reading

The Magic: Day 7 – Block Neg

Today I really tried to block as much negativity as I could. It was a pretty good day for the most part. Emotionally tough: today marks 9 years since my mother-in-law passed on. It makes things around the house extra tense due to the residual pain from that loss.

With that aside, for the most part, I was positive and productive today. I kept my list from yesterday and just tried to focus on things positively. It was hard! But I feel the changes in my perspective so I appreciate the effort I have to put into this self-love. I’m glad I gave myself the extra day to get it right. I was just not as focused as I needed to be yesterday.  Continue reading

The Magic – Block Negativity Cont…

After some more incidents throughout the day, I will be doing this one again tomorrow. My ex comes home and the first words that come out of his mouth is, “Why the fuck did you buy such a big bottle of vanilla?! Just had to get the biggest one they had or what??” The same vanilla that I bought like 2 months ago. Whatever. I don’t even engage him when he talks like that to me. Then he was all pissy and locked himself downstairs to fall asleep on the sofa watching hockey.

So, I will try the blocking negativity again tomorrow. I am better prepared for tomorrow mentally. And instead of writing my note on an index card, I wrote it on my hand.

For my magic sea shell, the best thing about today was my nap. Seems like a simple little thing but I never get to nap and my littlest one snuggled right in with me and we napped for like 2 hours. THAT was pretty awesome.

The second best thing was a surprise gift from my middle child. See, I LOVE Wonder Woman times 1000. Whenever the kids are good at school, they clip up and receive a little certificate to take home. Today, she brought one home and she drew a lovely Wonder Woman on the back. 🙂 I’m going to reiterate in the morning about how much I love it because I don’t think I gave it enough praise. I try to really be there emotionally for my kids but sometimes when I got 800 things going at the same time, I fuck up. So, I need to make sure I do that tomorrow morning.

Okay, since I’m repeating today again tomorrow, I’ll just check in with you all in the morning. Take care everyone! And if you can help out my little fundraiser, I would really appreciate it.