Fat 2 Phat: A Letter to Me

Dear, well, me,

I know you’re staring down this journey and thinking you’re going to fail. Again. I know you’re thinking, “What’s going to be different this time?” You know what’s different? YOU ARE.

Up to this point, you’ve been practicing for today. You know your shit now; there’s no guessing about what to do. You know what works. You know HOW to get it done. Let’s turn that how into action.

I understand how proud you are of all the things you’ve accomplished socially while being heavy: Sexy boyfriends, you always make friends, three great kids… and yes, it’s nice to be more advanced socially than her* but she’s starting to catch up – I mean, she’s getting married for the second time and you haven’t even been married once (not that I want to judge personal growth on whether or not I’m married – it’s the idea that someone other than my family loves me wholly and completely, and demonstrates that publicly).

And you’re ‘fuck you’ attitude has really hurt your motivation.

Here’s where we are currently:

  1. You sleep on your side because your weight is causing shortness of breath.
  2. You’re always feeling warm because you’re now thickly insulated.
  3. You call your kids over to hand something or get something for you.
  4. You feel exhausted all the time causing a craving for sugar and to eat crap.
  5. You use food as a way to distract you from doing something you need to do but you don’t want to. I.E. Working out.
  6. You are the heaviest you have ever been. Ever. And that includes the weight of your ego.

It’s time for a serious change.

You’re on this journey to give yourself the very best gift you can: HEALTH. You can’t care for the kids while stuck in bed sick; and how long are you going to tolerate the knee pain, back pain, or the embarrassment. Or the pain of not fitting into your maternity clothes.

New Years Eve is 11 weeks away. That’s enough time to make serious changes for the better. Having better health adds to every one of our personal goals:

  • WE ARE ROCKABILLY – and vintage physiques are hourglass shape
  • WE ARE A GREAT WEDDING PLANNER – health exudes confidence and clients like a good looking planner
  • WE ARE AN ARTIST – being healthy makes it easier to hike with our art stuff
  • WE ARE BEAUTIFUL – our exterior will finally match what our mental image of our-self is
  • WE LIVE ALOHA – health releases endorphins helping control our depression

And there’s one more: WE ARE COMMITTED. You will do what it takes because this time you are completely ready and enthusiastic. You have a map for issues that come up (like running out of food money) and we will continue to adjust the plan as the obstacles come out.

One more thing: find an online or in-person support group. Since there is no one really in your life to help support you, seek out help through other people.

I love us, Laura. It’s time for us to treat ourselves with love and respect.

PS. We’re going to chat again in a month to see how things are moving. Don’t waste the time you have.

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– * About the ‘she’ comment earlier: I have serious issues regarding my sister and our relationship. Not to go into too many details, but home-girl is the Devil. She told me about a month ago, “You can’t be a stay at home mom, barely clean the house, and look like shit. You’ll never keep a man that way.” That’s when the ‘Fuck You’ part of me comes bouncing on out. Fuck her, fuck that, fuck IT. Anyway, I’m trying to get away from her being a motivator on my journey, but I can’t help but think that it will crush her for me to get to where I’m going… she’s super vain like that.

Thank you so much for reading my blog! It’s your support that keeps me chasing my passions and writing about it. With your contributions, you’re not only helping me pursue my true self, but 25% of the funds raised are donated to the SurfRider Foundation. It’s the small contributions that will also help fund the next trip to Hawaii as to to start connecting to our future there. Also, if you can, please give me a follow on Twitter or InstagramThank you all again so very much!

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Living Aloha: A Brilliant Philosophy

While in Hawaii, I was greeted and treated by the most wonderful people. They were open and wonderful to a stranger (me) and was unconditional with their kindness. Not to mention my brilliant sister and my brilliant brother-in-law… they are truly an example of the best people I have ever known. There is one thing that has really stayed with me: Aloha. Continue reading

Hawaii Day 3

Omg there’s so much to update you all on! I will write it all up but for right now, I just want to share a couple pictures and to mention what a fucking difference your environment makes. 

Even if I never hit a beach, even if I never stepped out of the house, the peace I have found here is indescribable. I am at ease, focused, and getting inspiration everywhere I look. 

I cannot wait to move here! 

Anyway! Onto pictures!


I’m off to go continue my personal search of my muse and discover myself again. 🙂 

Thank you so much for reading my blog! I am fund raising for my kids to get to do everything they want to on our trip, if you can contribute, it would be greatly appreciate it! If you can’t, please share my posts etc- maybe someone else can. Thank you and Mahalo!! 

How I manifested $600+ for our trip

First, there has to be an understanding of what that means to manifest money. It doesn’t just come in the form of cash but also coupons, gifts, discounts, etc – there’s an unlimited number of ways money can come to you. 

As you have known, I’ve been trying to raise funds for my kids trip (for $600); yesterday I even posted how I felt a little let down by the people who already said would help but then didn’t. I was feeling like I was going to let my kids down. 

I had been posting on FB stuff to sell to help raise funds since mid march. One thing that’s been on there this whole time were a pair of crutches that I couldn’t unload. I lowered the price down to $10 but nothing. Well, I made my intention on Tuesday, Wednesday a lady called and said she wanted them for the list price of $15! Turned out I changed the price on all the groups I posted in except for the one this lady was on! Sweet! 

Then, my ex OUT OF NO WHERE wakes me up in the morning to give me a check for $200. He was mean when he gave it to me (“this is so you can feed the fucking kids so don’t spend it on bullshit!” Is what he actually yelled at me. But again, this money was completely unsolicited!). 

Then I get to my ma’s house last night and we are talking about our plan. I told her that I’m looking forward to all the on the beach time and hiking we’re going to be doing. She lets me know that my sister paid for a luau one night ($60 a person and I have 4 people = $240: bringing the manifest up to $455). She said my sister also paid for a tour of Honolulu ($30×4=$120+$455=$575)! I was like what?! I didn’t know all that!

After that, I was making arrangements for my friend to drive us to the airport – my Ma said she would pay for the parking and just leave the car at the airport ($575+$75=$650). THEN my Ma surprised us with pizza dinner last night when I was getting my things together to buy dinner ($650+$15= $665). 

Thank you thank you thank you!! 

I was sweating the fund raiser so much. Tuesday, when I made my intention, I said to myself, “fuck the fund raiser. It doesn’t matter if I raise money, as long as I get to be out in Hawaii with my sister. ” After that, all this abundance just came flooding in! 

I am so grateful for all that I have recieved! I get amazed every time of what can manifest. I am in awe of the Universe. 

I gotta get loading shit up for HAWAII! I will chat with you all in about a week. 

Thank you so much for reading my little blog! If you can contribute, it would be greatly appreciated! If you can’t, please share; maybe someone else can. Either way, I’m just grateful and thankful you stopped by to hang out with me.